I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
