I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
