i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
