kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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