OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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