she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
