Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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