After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
