Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
