Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
