I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
