shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will be naked everywhere
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need a beard to bite.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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