May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
