But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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