I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
