Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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