if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
