Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
