we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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