so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
