so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
