you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
