dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize