after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
