There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
