I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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