1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
