sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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