What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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