I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
