It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
