I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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