I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
