Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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