He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
