You're my little dorito
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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