Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
