i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
