is your mom at the bar?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
