i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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