Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
