Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
