the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize