btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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