I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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