Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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