The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
