i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
