Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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