I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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