It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
