Apparently you make a good broom.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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