I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
