A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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