do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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