He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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