I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
