i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
