no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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