youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
