Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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