i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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